i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
