I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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