I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
