are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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