I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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