I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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