I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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