I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
