people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
