I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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