dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
