Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
