as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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