I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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