Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
