if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
