just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
