We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
