hotel room ftw
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
