You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I pour the whiskey from now on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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