Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
