actually, I'm a sock model
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
