When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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