If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
