I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
