remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
