Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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