i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
