It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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