I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Randomize
