The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
