not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So much rum. So many feels.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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