I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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