okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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