We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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