If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
