mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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