The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
