I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
