'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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