u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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