can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
