Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
