I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
