and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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