Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
