Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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