meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
