You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
