I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
