Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
